Grant: Should I Stay or Should I Go? (*guitar riff*)

From the beginning we’ve known that Grant dislikes the town he lives in, and is torn by wanting to leave. He even had the chance, when he visited his parents in California, but then he came back. I never really understood why he still felt so strongly about his town until the Christmas show.

Throughout A Lesson Before Dying, Grant has been cynical, feeling trapped and powerless, and for good reason. Many times he’s alluded to the cycle, or really cycles, that the community and its people are stuck in, that keep them trapped in a hard life. I could understand how and why Grant became so cynical, but I didn’t understand why he came home, if it depressed him and made him feel that he could not make a change. Speaking of feelings, I was pretty indifferent to Grant at first, because he seemed so apathetic or angry at everything (except for Vivian). I was almost as frustrated as Grant because I couldn’t understand why he was here if he had a chance to leave and hated it. He never really showed any affection for his hometown in the present.

But during the Christmas show, despite his best efforts to stay detached through anger, there were a few moments that still touched Grant (and through him, me). I had to reread the passages a few times to be sure, since Gaines (as any writer should be) is a master of ‘show don’t tell.’ All that signaled to me that these moments meant anything to Grant were the extra details he gave us while describing them. He described in detail the recitation of “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas,” the children’s efforts to buy Jefferson a present, and the food one of Grant’s student brought to him.

I think these moments affected Grant so much because they represent a surprise, something new in the routine. He can see in a way, however small, that there are people in his community who are talented. And this renewed sensitivity to people carried over in Grant’s interactions with Jefferson. He seems to really start caring about what happens to Jefferson, and not feel put up to this crazy task by Miss Emma and his aunt. Later when Grant goes to see Vivian after talking to Jefferson, he doesn't just complain about having no idea of what to do. He acknowledges that success and change are also up to Jefferson, and opens up more to about his own feelings. By Grant realizing and taking for himself a manning in working to help Jefferson, he seems so far to be doing the same with helping his community. Maybe through the effort to “make Jefferson a man,” Grant will realize that staying in his hometown doesn't make him any less of a man.

Addie’s Death is More of a Reward than a Tragedy?

I for one started out this novel with a general view of “oh no their mom is dying, that’s so sad!” And Addie’s death definitely causes an emotional crisis within some of the Bundrens; Darl and Vardaman are the most visibly disturbed. But as I looked back on Addie’s actual death seen (as narrated chapter), she seemed to view it as finally getting a chance to rest. “...[Addie] pulled the covers up and shut her eyes. ‘You all will have to look out for pa the best you can,’ she said. ‘I'm tired.’” It sounds here like Addie is going to bed, not laying down to die. I also found it odd that all she said was that she was tired, and nothing about being sick. In fact, when Anse asks her, she outright denies it. "’Are you sick, Addie?’ I said. ‘I am not sick,’ she said. ‘You lay you down and rest you,’ I said. ‘I knowed you are not sick. You're just tired.’”  This is why the rest of the Bundren’s are so confused about the seriousness of Addie condition, and why Anse put off calling Peabody for so long (besides being a cheapskate).

I noticed that in As I Lay Dying, people tried hard to fulfill various ‘social contracts,’ imagined or not, in an attempt to look strong and respectable to others. Addie’s refusal to acknowledge her illness seems to be part of this, and on par with Anse’s “I don’t want to be beholden” philosophy. Perhaps she doesn’t want anyone to call her weak, and perhaps she doesn’t want Anse to blame her for calling the doctor. But looking at Addie’s death as a reward shows this behavior in a more understandable light (especially because we know Addie doesn’t care about Anse). Possibly Addie doesn’t want the doctor to come -- at least not too soon -- because she wants to die, and is afraid he could actually make her better. Peabody thinks along the same lines when Anse finally calls him: “...and at first I would not go because there might be something I could do and I would have to haul her back, by God.” Peabody understands what a hard life Addie’s had, and sympathizes for her in some odd way. When Peabody actually gets to Addie’s room, she even directly communicates that she wants to die. “She watches me: I can feel her eyes. It's like she was shoving at me with them. I have seen it before… [they] drive from the room them coming with sympathy and... actual help.”

When Cora and Vernon learn about Addie’s death, their immediate thoughts barely center around Addie. In fact, all Cora expresses about Addie directly is: “‘It's Addie Bundren. She's gone at last.’” Afterwards Vernon starts thinking about Vardaman, and how weird Darl is, and how sad that this tragedy would strike the Bundren family and leave them without a mother. There’s an unspoken kind of agreement that Addie’s death is for the best, and a kind of release for her -- largely from the hardship of being married to Anse.

And finally, Addie herself more or less views death as a way out. In her only narrative chapter, she mentioned what her father told her about death: “the reason for living was to get ready to stay dead a long time. And when I would have to look at [the children] day after day, each with his and her secret and selfish thought... that this seemed to be the only way I could get ready to stay dead, I would hate my father for having ever planted me.” In this passage it sounds like Addie views her responsibilities as a wife and mother simply as a duty expected of her, what one has to do and work hard at the be meritorious of the rest of death, eventually. She hates that she has to go through this, but it’s part of the required, unspoken social contract. Women who did not get married were likely considered outcasts, and had a hard time socially. Addie wants to avoid disgrace, which is why I think she married Anse -- in the end she’ll need a husband, why not marry this man? After we hear about the soul-killing monotony of her marriage with Anse (and subsequent affair with the preacher), we get additional confirmation that Addie’s life has largely been continual, grinding unhappiness. When she gets sick, she ‘decides’ not to fight it and to finally accept her ‘reward;’ both the rest of death, and the final separation from Anse by being buried in Jefferson. Addie will get to return to her (hopefully, possibly happier) original family, and leave behind the Bundren family she hardly cares for.